When I was about 16 my mother asked me if I was gay. I said "no". Nearly 40 years later she asked me why and I said times were different. I was afraid. I didn't know any gay people. You never saw the term in the newspaper and "homo" and "fag" were derogetory terms used by bully's at school. In my day it took a lot of strength to "come out". Times have changed. Kids come out when they're fourteen and so they don't have to be distracted by an eternal struggle that tears you apart and keeps you from doing the job of a kid - learning, socializing and having fun.
Or, at least I thought times had changed. The other day in an article by Robin Wilkey in the HuffPost, Wilkey reported on a gay couple who had been together here in the US for 19 years. One guy was a US citizen and the other an Australian citizen who was here on a legitimate visa. They were legally married in Massachusetts in 2005 and moved to California when the US citizen got sick with AIDS. He has been diligently cared for by his Aussie partner since. Now the Aussie's visa has expired and so he's here "illegally". Mr. Obama specifically cited this case when he said as long as the "Defense of Marriage Act" was law, he was "legally" obligated to deport our Aussie friend, leaving his suffering partner to take care of him self.
Now, this situation upsets me on so many levels and I can see arguments on everyone's side as DOMA prohibits legally recognizing state gay marriages at the Federal level, where the only real difference in getting married counts. But I'm not writing this to argue DOMA. What really astonished me were the vitriolic comments made about the article. The hateful, fear-mongering and, frankly, frightening comments made towards gays, gay marriage and even "God's Revenge" AIDS, horrified me.
It's a dangerous world out there, still. Maybe kids do come out at 16, probably out of a gracious naivety. But they're risking their lives to do it. For a long time I've thought that most people under 40 could care less about someone's sexual orientation. I was wrong. I don't know if these people are neo-nazi's or religious fundamentalists or what. But whatever they are, they are. And that's dangerous. I realize that individual liberties are disintegrating in this society as a result of terrorism and threats from within and without the realm. I realize that there is no expectation of privacy in this virtual world we live in. But behind the bits and bytes of our new social phenomenom we are still human beings who live in an interdependent society. To paraphrase some neo-classical "American in Paris", we need to love each other, count on each other. If not now, when?
America is in financial decline, intellectual decline and we have devolved into a discourteous 140 character text-messaging hoard. I am afraid for us. We proclaim our threat from Islamic Extremists and Free Trade, but our biggest threat comes from within. In the 1960's, civil rights was the issue and in the '80's and early '90's I thought we had overcome the hurtle of being threatened by another's sexuality, but we have regressed so far that for the first time in decades, I am afraid to be gay. We have a lot of work to do. We must start with ourselves and learn to understand that who we are is not threatened by the mere fact of someone else being different.
50% of who we are is genetic and 50% is a result of environmental influences and what we're taught. We were doing so good at learning compassion and understanding. 9/11 changed us, but just as Magua in J. Fenimore Cooper's novel, The Last of the Mohicans, rallied his troops to destroy the last of a great tribe because they were different and Adolph Hitler inspired an entire people to exterminate everyone who wasn't Aryan, (It was Hitler who changed the name of Persia to Iran - a derivitive of Aryan.) will we destroy everyone we don't understand. How does my partnership threaten yours? How does my breath take away from yours?
I frequently hear people ask "What would Jesus say?". He would say that all men are children of God, every individual is responsible for, and only for, their own salvation. God will judge the rest so you needn't and shouldn't. What would the Buddha say? He would say to walk carefully, for every action you take and every thought that finds a permanent home in your mind will affect the quality and quantity of your life.
I recently wrote an article on fear. You must master your fear and understand that it is your pride, your insufficient view of yourself that leads to fear. Fear leads to hate. Hate can have enormous consequences. Let it go. Work on your self. Settle your mind by letting go of pride and stop hating others because you find inferiority in yourself. I may be flawed, but so are you. I may be no better than you, but, I am sure as Day no worse.
HCSE this 13th of August 2011
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